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LITBM : A Female Sexologist

Friday, July 21, 2006 |

A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"

Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardarji."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee ! ... But my friends call me Santa Singh !"

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LITBM : Why Russians are very good in CHESS

Thursday, July 20, 2006 |

ok, this is a new series i m introducing. Laughter Is The Best Medicine a.k.a LITBM. i'll appreciate if u rofl instead of a false imposed grin. more of this series to follow. anyways primary reason to start this series to regularly update my blog, even if i dont get time to write something.anyways for now 'enjoy maadi' ;)

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from
Odessa (in Russia) was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded
the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop a young man got on
and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought:
This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if he isn't a peasant he
probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district,
then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.



On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the
only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.



Ahh? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet,
and Jews don't need special permission to go there. But why would he
be going to Samvet?



He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how
many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins
and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice
looking fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he
going?

The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he's their son-in-law.

But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah
married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman
from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his
name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from
Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have
changed his name.

What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed
him to change his name, he must have some special status. What could
it be? A doctorate from the University.



At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, "How do you
do, Dr. Kovacs?"



"Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startled passenger. But how
is it that you know my name



?"



"Oh," replied the Talmudist, "it was obvious."

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Viva le Italia !!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 |

so this is it !!

Italy is the world champion for the fourth time. and they deserve every bit of it. after that bloody match with USA, they had a little contemplation, and then with every game the team improved on an exponential scale. not a lot of people(including me) expected the azzuris to perform so brilliantly.whole team was going through crisis. lot of members were from juventus and other serie a clubs, which are stuck into match fixing allegations at home. but all this only add to the mental strength and committment of the players of the nation, where football is more of a religion than a mere sport.

defence was better than ever, tougher to break and rock solid. pirlo's free kick were spot on, which covered up the fact the totti was out of form, to a great extent. and the best thing was italian team scored 12 goals in the tournament and they came out of 10 different players. how brilliant is that !!

this match had a glimpse of attacking italian side what we saw against the host nation, in the semis. first half was typically like that. they had greater possession of the ball. they made better moves and had more shots on the goal. this was quite different from what italy usually is known for. they have always been a good defensive side, with one motto counterattack and win. their strategy is simple, defense defense defense, counterattack and BAM !! GOOOOOALLL !!

but they knew, they had to be different and creative and more importantly, they had to keep changing the pace of the game and the strategies for this game. because this time they had to face the toughest opponent so far, the mighty french side. germans were tough too, but major attacks from italian side stunned them. and before thay can think of anything, they lost the match. but they cant play with the same stategy against france too.

first half, attack, attack and more attack. thn second half started and they were back to defensive style. they started to follow thr usual defense and counter attack game. french were not very sure of wat just struck them, and they failed to convert the few chances they got. and later, with viera and henry leaving the pitch, the azzuris knew that match is almost in thier hand.

anyways, match started in a dramatic manner with frech side fetching a penalty in 7th mintue. to me, it looked more like a fake dive, but referee's decision should not be doubted. and matterazi was given a foul, which he wont ever forget.the kick was taken by zizou and against him was buffon. both were the best in wat they do. anyways, zizou was sure that he is not going to end his career with a black spot of missing a penaly. he took a short run up, as usual, took a shot. it was not very powerful, infact it was more of a chip. buffon jumped to his right, but the ball was high and on left. and it hit the goalpost, diverted marginally into the goal, bounced back to hit the post again and then came out of the goal.

Both, french and italian supporters cheered with joy. but italian cheers couldn't last for long. refree decision. GOAL !! france had a 1-0 lead and tht too in just 7 minutes. french crowd was going mad and italian camp was going restless. italians unleashed the the best of thr attack after tht. but french defense was solid. at this point of time, i'd really want to appreciate french defense. with a keeper of barthez's caliber saving your post, defense has to be exceptionally good to concede just 3 goals in the tournament, of which one was a PK.

but italian attack didnt have to wait for long, as they scored in 19th minute of the game. pirlo was ready to take the second corner of the game. barthez was dazed and confused, and was not able to decide where he should stand.and ribery and abidal were on post with him. as usual cannavaro and matterazi were in the box, along with toni, totti, zamboratto and others. pirlo took a perfect shot, a lil high, diving low curvy projectile. and matterazi made no mistake to show this ball the way to the net.its revenge time. the tatto guy was unbeliveably thrilled. though i feel, barthez should have punched it out. ribery and abidal were mere spectators. but it was the equalizer. france 1 - italy 1

berlin was going crazy. people were shouting, howling and hugging each other. and quite similar was the ambience of my flat !! we all were thrilled...yipppiiieeee. suddenly the olympic stadium came alive, nd italian fans were cheering thr heros by singing thr tradition "oooaaa" ( i dont know wat its called, but i just love it, too sexy ) then italy tried few more attempts but thuram, makelele and abidal were alert to not to give any trouble to "King Barthez". and in the mean time ribery and henry tried few futile attempts to get past italian defense.

in second half, italy became all defensive, letting french forwards to dominate the game, which they did. unlike all his previous games,henry was in phenomenal form and made few really good attempts to bluff buffon, but later was too smart for it. but i should admit and appreciate the efforts of gattuso, who kept zidane under control throughout the game and not let him do, for what he is known for. another significant incident was a beautiful freekick from pirlo which landed in the goal by a well timed header, but alas !! was declared offside. this again was followed by lots of "oooo"s and "aaaaaa"s by italian fans.

and it was in this moment, that viera mishit the ball and this result in a hamstring trouble for the long legged midfielder. sadist italian supporters( include me too) went "yahooo !!": :D and he was replaced by diaba. in the mean time italy got de rossi(after 4 match, remember tht bloody US match) in place of totti. i personally hate this decision, but i wasnt able to let lippi know about it. ;) and few more substitutions which i dont remember. and so ended the second half with 1 goal each.

extra time, was not much different than second half, in term of position of ball, which again was in italy's half and french continued to dominate the game. but unfortunately, they were not able to find the net. ok, credit should be given to italian midfielders and defenders as well. then henry too got substituted. god, he looked exhausted. another "yahoo !!". italian defense was spot on throughout the game, but to my utter surprise they didnt commit a lot of fouls. only on few instances it looked vulnerable. one of them came in 2nd half of extra time. ribery who had a brilliant run from the right, chipped the ball towards virtually unmarked zizou !!, a mistake that could have been decisive. zidane knows how to capitalise such chances and he took an "almost" perfect header from the box. but almost !! buffon made an inhumanly save and punched the ball over the bar. sheer brillaince !!

5 minutes after that came the most dramatic incident of the match. another header by zizou, but this time it was matterazi's chest. that savage head butt, was like an unexpected bang on italian defender's chest. poor guy !! zizou is my all time fav player, but wat he did was shamefully unprofessional. so wat, if matterazi grabbed him during the match, or he might have said something foul to him. all this happenes in a match, and when its a world cup final, its inevitable .but happen watever, hitting someone in this manner is not at all acceptable. it was not acceptable to the referee as well, and french captain was immediatly sent off the field. why did you do that, zizou ?? it was your last match, and with only ten minutes to the whistle, you should not have done it. but watever, you still are my all time fav player. you have given me enough and more golden moments to help me forget this black one. and despite of this, he won well deserved "golden ball". but again, WHY ???

anyway, scored remained 1-1 after extra time as well. now it came to penaly kicks. everyone was sure, when it come to PKs, it is going to be unanimous. we had both world's best and worst goalkeeper on the pitch. and with french side without zizou, viera and henry its going to be even tougher for them. and buffon is king of penalty saving.

first kick, pirlo. beautifully hit. GOAL !!. then came wiltord for france. this expirienced striker didnt make any mistake to equalize the score. next came goal scorer, materazzi, to give itlians lead. then came trezguet. short crisp run up, and he chipped the ball. ball hit the goal post, and got deflected towards the ground, but poor guy, was not as lucky as zidane. italy got the lead. then del piero and de rossi converted for tialy and so did abidal and sagnol for french team. score now was 4-3. just one more goal. next came young grosso. barthez was tense and nervous, and grosso was about to take the kick of his life. he hit it with all the power in his body, barthez took a dive but it was a wasted attempt. that kick shaked the whole goal.

VICTORY !!!!!!!

Italy has done it, again. one side of the field, cannavaro and his gang was jumping with joy, and on the other side was the lifeless french squad. so close, yet so far. they were better throughout the game, but lady luck had some different plans. berlim olympic stadium was kicking by the frezy of italian supporters who were shouting on top of thier voice "viva le italia". no doubt, it was one of the best finals ever. a beautiful end to the beautiful tournament.

lets see wat happens next time in south africa. i hope spain can do something that time. amen !! :)

p.s. more world cup blogs to follow, post tourney blog.

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