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i'm a monster :(

Wednesday, May 30, 2007 |

Ok I confess!! I am bad with kids. Bad as in real bad. Most of them would plainly refuse to come to me and if sometimes someone comes to me by mistake, the interaction is sure to end up in a saline free flow. For the clarification, by kids I mean teeny-weeny kiddo who needs to be baby talked and who can’t drink milk from glass (ok as it is a confession, I accept, for kids less than 4 years I’m devil personified). Few days back I was at my uncle’s place for 3 days and my kid cousin refused to talk to me. Poor guy started crying every time I tried to hold him. And I sat contemplating and I came up with possible reasons (I know this blog is turning out to be extremely stupid, but whatever!! My kid bro is afraid of me and didn’t talk to me at all. I’m sad)

1) My size/voice: With my 185cm+ and 90kgs+ built I’m like Gulliver for the Lilliputian kids. And for the lazy bastard I am I refuse to shave daily (ok it’s a weekly thing for me) and I get scarier everyday. And my loud voice does the remaining damage to my reputation. I’m like a living monster. I’m like one of those fantasy devils which moms use to scare kids. But then this part is not under my control. Genetic faults, I would say.

2) Cant baby-talk: I claim to be very creative and a blabber-mouth. But when it comes to kids, I can’t talk for more than a second. I’ve realized that my monologue skills are directly proportional to size of the person.

3) Scared of kids: As embarrassed I am to accept it, it is a fact. I’m extremely scared of them especially when they curl in my arms. I think they are fragile and I’ll end up doing some harm. And even more than that, I can’t see a kid crying. My aunt kept on saying, let him cry for a minute but take him out and he will become ok. But no thank-you!! I’m scared of crying babies.

I guess I have to wait for another 3 years before I could properly talk to my bro. But only saving grace is my kid sis who found her new best friend in me. Yaaayyy!! We had so much fun together. And my entire family was, OMG!! A kid with bi2. It’s worth a foto. :D

p.s. happy first birthday Yash!! Love you bro. :)

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the reunion :)

Tuesday, May 22, 2007 |

19th may 2k7 was one of the most memorable day of my life. It was the class reunion of St Paul’s 2k1 batch. To be honest, it was more fun than the farewell. I met lots of junta after 8-10 years. The excitement was inevitable, but the degree of proximity was surprising yet extremely comforting.

The whole planning started about a month ago. The core organizers were Ritesh (mama), Shweta, Suchit (t2), Pritesh, Rohit, Saurabh (papa) and me (yours very own Lord Anshul). As most of them were into business and all in Ujjain itself, we thought it would be much better to settle the event at our very own hometown. After a lot of thought 19th may was decided as the D-day.

I reached Ujjain on 14th, and then started series of meetings. All the old class fotos were dug out, the list was formulated and the exhausting process of reviving contacts was started. Everyone got busy, and cell became more important than ever. At the same time other plans were to be decided. All of us succumbed to the conjuring whims of “lady nostalgia”.

For the first time something on such a large scale was happening, and me and mama were in no mood to screw it up. Few other futile attempts of such sort ended up in a disaster. Everyone was foned and mama and I made sure that we would personally try and meet as many of them as possible. Rohit was given responsibility to contact and meet people in Indore. And others in Bombay, Delhi, Pune and Bangalore were called up.

T2 was responsible for hotel booking. With all his contacts in Ujjain, no one else was more suitable. And that guy did a brilliant work too. He got us “Shanti Palace”, which when we contacted was not free that day. Our hero spent a “high-spirit” evening with the GM of the hotel and we got a booking: D. We asked him to make sure that it is banquet hall and he said us we will get whatever we want. Brilliant!!

Food was decided by Pritesh and Papa. The program was scheduled from 5 to 10 and this made 2 courses a must. And being in Ujjain I had to settle for veg onlyL. No regrets!! Culinary options were secondary for me that day.

Mama and I then started looking for a decent memento. The whole idea was to have an event so grand that all “oh-I-am-so-busy” souls should feel that they have missed something significant and if something of this sort happens after another 5 years than we could expect almost 100% attendance. The memento was decided and the order was placed for 30 pieces. (Thanks a ton Mohammad for all the help).

A lot of other plans were fashioned and defashioned. We were planning to call teachers but finally decided against it and thought let this be strictly our batch’ event. Then we planned to give few informal awards (“the geek”, “most notorious”, “laugh riot”), but then got scared of puny disputes that might arise. Then we planned to arrange some skit or some little program, but lack of time held us back. We finally settled for a brief introduction of what happened in life after leaving school and little free-lance dancing:P

Digicams, handycams and lappys were arranged. Hotel guy was asked to arrange for music system and amplifiers. So far so good. Then again life has never been so kind on us.

Till 19th morning everything was going so peacefully that it just didn’t make sense and I was waiting for some screw up. And it came from memento guy. He said that there was some problem with the print of memento and he has to re-do entire thing. I almost erupted “Mr. Mehta!! I am about to sign your death warrant. I want everything ready by 5 sharp, or I’ll hang you by your neck” and slammed the fone. Still the condition was under control.

Anyways we consolidated entire stuff and reached the hotel by 4:45. Abhinav and I reached there to ensure the arrangements. But surprise surprise!!. Everything could not have rolled so smoothly. Those idiots were confused and thought the entire event was supposed to start at 7 and in lawn. I could feel mercury rising in my veins. I barked at them to finish the entire thing by 5:30. I called up t2 by that time. “Seth” t2 was fuming and almost fought with the manager. But it was so late to do anything that we had to settle with whatever was being given to us.

Junta started to come by 5:30 and but only in ones and twos. I was like lol!! No one here understands the meaning of punctuality:P Major chunk came around 7. I am usually hyper for no reason, but that time I was visibly hysterical. And by 7:30 most of them were there, thought few ditched at last moment and didn’t show up. We anyways realized that weather became super sexy and lawn was very soothing.

We than started a mini intro round where everyone told what they have been up to after leaving school. And I realize I guess my class had one of the most diverse set of students. Only thing missing was probably an IAS and someone in police. We had everything else. Engineers, Doctors, Politicians, Lawyers, Artists and everything (it includes a guy with criminal record as well) :P

Then next 3 hours were the best time of my life. We all laughed, shouted, gossiped and danced. It never felt so good. Anecdotes were floating in the air and I can’t recall a teacher who was not mocked. Few got married and few engaged, and we were listening to their love stories. Time flew faster than ever. Me and J hugged and consolidated when we heard that P got married: D. Then came time for a group foto. It was more beautiful than any other foto I have ever seen.

We all parted with a promise to do the same again in another 3 years. But that time on even magnificent scale and with even more junta.

While coming back, I collected my memento, dropped R at her home and turned back to home. I ran in and called pa, ma and dids and told them everything. Phew!! Finally after 5 hours my lips were released from the continuous stretch and I crashed into bed.

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LITBM : the adventures of bloodninja

Friday, May 11, 2007 |

statutory warning : Explicit content. Proceed at your own peril. Author wont be responsible if this post hurts feelings or offends anyone. Only fun intended.

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty

sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

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Have you ever..

Wednesday, May 09, 2007 |

Smoked a cigarette? : Actively nah!! Passively oh yeah baby!! I’m a chain smoker.

Crashed a friend's car? : Friend’s no. but I have my uncles’: D

Stolen a car? : was tempted to when I saw that amazing Porche at Leela palace, but never did.

Been in love? : Yup!!

Been dumped? : Yup :(

Shoplifted? : Pro at that!! Just that we at kgp call it “jhapna”

Been in a fist fight? : With my size, people actually never dare to. But I still drag them into it.

Snuck out of your parent's house? : Nah, though I want to. But my parents are too liberal to let me have this fun.

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? : Not exactly.

Been arrested? : No, but I want to.

Gone on a blind date? : Yup!! :D. Trust me its fun.

Skipped school? : Of course I have. Count college in, and I am a self-proclaimed god.

Been on a plane? : Duh!!

Seen someone die? : Yeah. Many times.

Been to Canada? : Eh..No!!

Purposely set a part of yourself on fire? : Yup. I can do weird stuff, if dared.

Been jet-skiing? : I soooooooo want to.

Met someone in person from the Internet? : A lot of them. Orkut rules.

Taken pain killers? : Once. I loathe medicine. Prefer diet control and natural stuff.

Flown a kite? : You’re talking to a pro.

Built a sand castle? : Not really. I’m more of a mountain than a beach person.

Gone puddle jumping? : I’m a filthy pig. Just love all this shit.

Cheated while playing a game? : Duh!!

Been lonely? : Rarely. But yeah, I have.

Fallen asleep at work or school/college? : I’m back-bencher’s pride.

Used a fake ID? : Yup. As a rule never play pranks from real id.

Felt an earthquake? : Yup. Those Bhuj earthquake tremors were felt even till Ujjain. I remember I was sitting in my JEE coaching classes.

Touched a snake? : Yeah Baby!!

Slept beneath the stars? : Millions of times. I love sleeping with my grandparents on terrace. I still love it. I miss those “odomos” nights and my endless discussion with my grandpa.

Been robbed? : Obviously when you “jhapofy” something from someone, someone else will “jhapofy” something from you. Law of averages.

Been misunderstood? : Usually not. But …

Won a contest? : Yeah, Lots of them.

Run a red light/stop sign? : He He. I’m not a responsible citizen and I’m crazy about my youth.

Been suspended from school? : Nope. That’s one tag missing in my mis-adventures. I nevertheless was most frequent “get-outer” of the class.

Been in a car accident? : Yup. Banged my uncle’s car in footpath. I was a kid then.

Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night? : No. But that is one challenge I m willing to take. I dare myself.

Walked the streets drunk? : No. I’m one goodie goodie boy. Don’t drink. But I’m forever high; higher than my drunken friends.

Had déjàvu? : NO :(

Danced in the moonlight? : Of course I have. I’m one shameless pathetic dancer.

Witnessed a crime? : Yup.

Been obsessed with post-it notes? : Nope. If something is important I wont forget it. And if I forgot something, its not important.

Squished barefoot through the mud? : Yup. My mom used to drag me for these barefoot walk on grass before sunrise :(

Been lost? : Nope. But ask my mom and she would say yes. Technicality of that incident is complicated and my family and me are still not able to reach a rational consensus.

Been on the opposite side of the country? : Not exactly.

Swum in the ocean? : Yup. Got a great lecture from dad after that though.

Cried yourself to sleep? : Nah.

Played cops and robbers? : Yeah.

Recently coloured with crayons? : Nope.

Sung karaoke? : Yes I have. And KJ Subz thinks I am really good. I’m shocked too: D

Paid for a meal with only coins? : Yeah. Lol…a must have experience.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? : Of course. I’m human.

Made prank phone calls? : Oh I’m a champ. Have made even international calls to play my famous credit card prank.

Caught a snow flake on your tongue? : Yup.

Written a letter to Santa Claus? : No.

Blown bubbles? : Who hasn’t?

Bonfire on the beach? : Yeah Baby.

Cheated on a test? : Yeah. Thanks M.

Gone skinny-dipping in a pool? : How skinny are we talking about here ??

and ofcourse everyone is tagged. :)

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Most rewatched movies

Tuesday, May 08, 2007 |

c Again, sakshi tagged me for it. Most rewatched movie. whoa !! a kind of tag i'd luv to do. its a known fact that i m a movie buff..and thr are millions of movie i have watched millions of times. but top five wud be.

1) Pulp Fiction : my fav movie. thr was a time i used to watch it daily. this movie is a religion to me. i keep on reading about it on net, in books and everytime i read about it i need to watch it again. and everytime i feel oh my god !! how can i have not seen this last time. this is a complete movie. everything is perfect about it. Hail QT !!

2) Braveheart : my second year of college was spent watching this movie. Me and G used to sit and watch it and watch it again. we have memorised it "by heart". craziness went to extent that even when i was reading a book i'll play this movie in the bckground insted of music.

3) LOTR : i've lost the count of how many times i have sene this movie. i remember 12 times all 3 parts at a stretch and individually each part, countlessly.

4) Kabhi haa Kabhi naa : i feeel this is the best movie if SRK. just love it. :)

5) Sholay : the mega movie. period.

and yeah, everyone is tagged !!

********************** EDIT **************************

i'm feeling that i'm doing injustice to alot of films..so here are a few more

6) The Matrix : it was like a dialy thing in my first year. have mugged up all the dialogues and all. though i like matrix 2 the most, but i have seen 1 a lot more.

7) Fight Club : this list have to have atleast one movie of ed norton. so here it is. not his best work though. watching this movie first time was killer. but i liked the attitude and concept so much that it is one of the most seen movie and most read book as well. i recommend the book as well. profound !!

8) Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar : best aamir khan movie. you are low and want to get in fifth gear. watch dis movie.

9) Remember The Titans : same as jo jeeta wohi sikandar, just that its best denzle washington movie. just wtch it before any game you're out to play.

10) Mughal-E-Azam : its like one of the fav family film (ok, except for my sis. she wont understand a word of it). i love the dialogues of the movie. hindi can never compare urdu. it can never have that smooth velvet touch, that formal yet binding tone.

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i have a dream..

Monday, May 07, 2007 |

Up thr "Reds"

When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the Storm there's a golden sky
And the sweet, silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind, walk on through the rain,
Though your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart,
And you'll never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone.

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