<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/8734680?origin\x3dhttp://yetanothermorrison.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Football Porn ?

Friday, January 02, 2009 |

Homosexuality is a touchy subject; gay footballers even more so.

When you consider that footballers are invariably looked upon as role models for children (for better or worse), many otherwise liberal and politically-correct parents would throw a fit if they found out their precious offspring was idolizing a baller sporting a chin-strap, and I’m not talking about Mr Cech.

There’s a time and place for being sensitive and to deal with issues in seriousness - but most of the time, football is just football - entertainment for those playing and entertainment for those watching. And if the entertainment turns into sexual innuendo, as any contact sport invariably does, then we’re on the front line cheering on the participants while pointing and laughing at the same time.

Enough talking - here’s a look at some of the less serious moments in football. Football is not gay, and footballers are usually not gay, but if there was a gay football team, would feel comfortable watching such photos of them?

Labels: , , , ,

Stock market buffs - Interesting Analysis

Thursday, August 07, 2008 |

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title : What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:

1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, and gym)

2) Which age group should I target?

3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys

4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (My target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty

-------------------------------

Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here. >From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me…

Signed,

J.P. Morgan


-------------------------------

Here's a reply from oh-not-so-dumb blonde:

To the gentleman who called me a depreciating asset


Dear Sir,

I must confess that I was somewhat taken aback upon reading your email. Indeed, it has taken some time for me to sufficiently recuperate from my surprise. Lest your confidence quickly inflate for little reason (as we know is the predisposition for Wall St. types), allow me to hasten to reassure you that the source of my surprise was neither your candor nor the accuracy of your perception. Indeed, it is your "claimed" success in light of your poor grasp of economics which has me baffled. If the standards required to meet with financial success on Wall St. have sunk so low, perhaps I should indeed "make my own money", except for the fact that the effort/reward ratio is far too high for my liking - especially when so many of your ilk have displayed a far more cogent grasp of market realities than you have.

By now you are likely scratching your ever-vanishing hairline in confusion, so allow me to elaborate. To build some credibility I will tell you a bit more about yourself. Though you did not mention the details of your occupation, it is clear that you are an investment banker and not a trader, as any good trader would understand that human courtships are based upon a semi-efficient open market, and not an investment banking cartel. However, your inability to grasp the realities of the dating market is not surprising, given that you have successfully employed the tools of collusion and market manipulation rather that true acumen in your supposed wealth generation.

If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the "outflows" associated with my depreciating "assets" are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation. Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of "outflows" generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial "wisdom", have not.

You, on the other hand, are, given the uncertainty of the Wall St. job market, more of an inflation-indexed junk bond with an underwater nested call option. Though you may argue that you are more of an equity investment, my monetary minimums required from you do not change, and if you are unable to pay them, I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11, just as you would me.

Because your outflows are so much more uncertain with respect to mine, I require additional compensation in the form of a underwater nested call option on your future assets. I say underwater because, even taking into account the value of your junk bond coupon payment to me, the value of my "outflow" is in excess of the market price of your equity (which is quite low due to its riskiness associated with your poor grasp of finance and my existing claim upon your junk bond coupon).

I must thank you though for raising the question, despite the reputation cost of subjecting your weak logic to such widespread scrutiny. This took either considerable courage or ignorance on your part- and we'll give you the benefit of doubt, just this once. My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency.

Ms. Pretty



Labels: , , ,

LITBM : Here Comes Another Bubble

Friday, December 07, 2007 |

I'm putting up something after God knows how long. Well, sorry for being so irregular and hopefully i'd match my used-to-be frequency soon :). But for now, enjoi this video. Hilarious !!


Labels: , ,

I am a …

Wednesday, August 29, 2007 |

Few days back I was thinking, which animal I share most traits with. Weird indeed, but last few days have not been the most relaxed ones as well, so expected out of an exhausted mind. Unfortunately I was at my self-deprecation best. The answer came out as “PIG” which is gross, but a surprising fit. The common characteristics include

Filth: Those who know me but at all, knows how dirty I am and more than that how comfortable I am being that way. Somehow it’s true for most of the guys, but I take this acceptance to preference. Taking bath is waste of time, water, soap and all those things. A jeans is preferred over trousers because one can wear it for a month without even bothering to wash it. Why bother cleaning room, when one anyways walks in it with slippers on. These thoughts are now philosophy of life. And pigs!! Do I even need to start on this?

Omnivorous: A lot of people claim to eat everything, but with few exceptions. But genuine connoisseurs of food are pigs and yours truly. Eat whatever is there without cribs and whines. Preferences of course are there but certainly no constraints. Everything from boiled vegetables to beef is welcome, provided cooked good. Unable to finish something on dinner table, please do not waste it and pass it on. As my roomies put it my appetite is like a mini black hole, both in terms of acceptance and amount.

Snugly: Ever seen a bunch of piglets sleeping?? A dozen of them will bunch together and sleep cosily over each other. Going back in time, when we just moved to CTM1 four years back and we all gathered in Sas’ room for some movie, the sight had uncanny resemblance. It was one teeny-weeny bed and we were at least 8 on it. And man it was fun to watch movie like that. No PVR, no I-Nox gave me that much of fun.

Now this is not a tag, but everyone is tagged:D

P.S. Plz don’t hate me for this. Facts are exaggerated to certain extent to create interest in readers:D

1 CTM : C TOP MID, my wing at iit. Call me braggart, but this is where Gods live.

Labels: , ,

Fight Club : The Return of Hobbes

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 |

In the film Fight Club, the real name of the protagonist (Ed Norton’s character) is never revealed. Many believe the reason behind this anonymity is to give "Jack" more of an everyman quality. Do not be deceived. "Jack" is really Calvin from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes. It’s true. Norton portrays the grown-up version of Calvin, while Brad Pitt plays his imaginary pal, Hobbes, reincarnated as Tyler Durden.

Part I: The Hobbes-Tyler Connection

Picture this: a hyper, self-absorbed child initially concocts an imaginary friend as the ideal playmate, to whom more realistic qualities soon become attributed. This phantasm becomes a completely separate personality, with his own likes, dislikes, and temperament—and the imaginer and the imagined clash and argue constantly, though remaining fast friends. This pattern continues to the point where the child begins to perceive what was originally mere fantasy to be reality.

Just as Calvin has an imaginary jungle-animal friend named Hobbes, whom everyone else believes to be nothing but a stuffed toy, "Jack" in Fight Club has an imaginary cool-guy friend named Tyler, whom no one but Jack can see.

In both cases, the entity that began as the ideal companion soon took on a more realistic, three-dimensional quality. In other words, they became real. This is evident in that both Hobbes and Tyler also began to function as scapegoats for their creators. For instance, consider that Calvin often blames broken lamps and other assorted household mischief on Hobbes, and that Jack is inclined to believe that Fight Club and other various anti-society mischief is brought about by Tyler, not himself. Calvin claims Hobbes pounces on him every day after school; Jack believes Tyler beats him up next to 40 kilotons of nitroglycerin in a parking garage—the list goes on and on. The relationships between the two sets of friends are the exact same. Is this mere coincidence?

Hobbes

"There are eight rules of Fight Club."

Filling in the time-gap between Calvin and Jack, we can imagine the story as something like this: Once Calvin reaches the hostile environment known as the seventh grade, the constant teasing from the other students and the frustrated concern of his parents finally becomes too much, and a reluctant, disillusioned Calvin is finally forced to grow up, or at least begin to. This decision is sealed by one of the hardest things young Calvin will ever have to do in his life: un-imagine Hobbes, an act which to Calvin is essentially no different from murder. After being Calvin’s best friend for over a decade, Hobbes is packed away in a box, or tossed carelessly into a garbage bag, perhaps even stuffed under the same bed that once contained so many monsters. This is all, of course, very painful for Calvin, so much so that he represses it all in shame. Little does Calvin suspect that while he is busy growing up, deciding what "dinette set defines him as a person," Hobbes is also maturing in the recesses of his mind, waiting to be unleashed at an appropriate time.

It’s worth noting that during these twenty or so years, Hobbes never bears a grudge against Calvin nor wishes any ill upon him. Hobbes, remembering the depth of their past friendship, does not hate Calvin but rather hates the society that made Calvin put him away. Hobbes, residing in Calvin’s mind, sees and experiences all that Calvin does—and truly despises all of it. He witnesses a bright, superbly imaginative kid (with a genius-level vocabulary) reduced to nothing more than another nameless cog. Fighting off the tears wept for his conventionalized pal, Hobbes resolves to set Calvin free, paying special attention when Calvin idly looks up homemade-napalm recipes on the Internet.

Flash forward to the timeframe depicted in Fight Club. Calvin/Jack has reached an all-time low. He has done everything society has told him to do but is completely void of happiness. Hobbes, newly adjusted as "Tyler Durden" (after all, grown-up Calvin would no longer accept a jungle animal walking, talking, and eating canned tuna), re-enters Calvin/Jack’s life, determined to show Calvin everything he’s done wrong, whether he likes it or not.

Hobbes and the transmogrified Calvin

Tyler to Jack: "I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I’m smart, capable, and most importantly, I’m free in all the ways you wish you could be."

Calvin has always idolized Hobbes. In Weirdos From Another Planet, he dresses up like a tiger and attempts to live in the woods. Like Hobbes, Tyler is cool, collected, and incredibly cerebral. Given this evidence, one can conclude that Tyler is Hobbes, reincarnated after being trapped inside Calvin/Jack’s brain for so many years. Just as Calvin is Jack, Hobbes is Tyler.

Part II: Marla Singer—Avatar of Susie Derkins?

Somewhere between the end of high school and beginning of college, uptight, grade-obsessed Susie Derkins lost her way. The pressure to get good grades, the pressure to succeed, simply became too much for her, and she snapped.

Marla ponders her previous life as Susie Derkins

Marla remembers the girl she used to be.

Free from the protective bonds of her parents’ guidance and the bland safety of her suburban home, Susie loses her moral bearings entirely and sinks into a dark, seamy, grim world of sex, drugs, and eccentric Albert-Einstein-like hair. Her transformation is so complete that she no longer even remotely resembles the upright citizen that her parents and society wanted her to be: thus, she changes her name.

Like Calvin, Susie has become a misfit, one of society’s lost lambs. It is for this reason that she soon finds herself frequenting support groups such as "Remaining Men Together." Fate has brought her back to Calvin, whom she probably spurned back in junior high. But the two have changed so much that they no longer recognize each other!

The pink dress Marla wears in one scene slightly resembles something that "Binky Betsy," Susie’s favorite childhood doll, once wore: the doll that Calvin stole and attempted to ransom. While Calvin and Susie mostly teased and tortured each other, Hobbes was infatuated with the raven-haired beauty. Accordingly, Jack despises Marla, whereas Tyler takes an *ahem* sort of interest in her (definitely inappropriate for the Sunday Funnies).

When we are first introduced to Marla, she is but a tumor on Jack’s slowly deteriorating world. She is disenfranchised, morbid, socially apathetic—and Jack despises her because she is a mirror image of himself, his own female double. On the other hand, Calvin hates Susie because she is his exact opposite: Bright, obedient, demure—the unruly Calvin has every reason to hate her. However, certain strips definitely infer that Calvin has somewhat of a crush on Susie, and some even imply that Susie shares these latent feelings. But as a cootie-fearing grade-schooler, Calvin may only express these strange feelings through attention-getting antagonisms such as constant snowballs to the head, ransoming her dolls—and through his separate, conveniently more mature other personality—Hobbes.

Unlike Calvin, Hobbes has never been bashful about showing his affection for Susie. Calvin’s imaginary tiger-friend has called her a "cutie," worn swim jams to impress her ("Girls flip for guys in jams"), and even claimed he would betray their club’s secret code if she gave him a tummy rub (which is one of the key differences between Tyler and Hobbes). Naturally, all of this confuses and frustrates Calvin beyond words, even though Hobbes is really nothing more than a product of his own mind! And though Hobbes and Susie never consummated their love for each other (he’s a stuffed tiger and she’s a kid, you sicko!) this is, of course, the exact same deranged love-triangle that is shared between Jack, Tyler, and Marla, or at least a natural progression thereof. Perhaps Marla puts up with Jack/Tyler’s apparent nonsense for so long, because it’s the sort of thing she became used to as a child? And perhaps, in the end, Jack finds solace in Marla because it’s the exact same connection he should’ve made long ago, in his suburban youth. A connection that may have saved them both.

Part III: GROSS—Precursor of Fight Club

Hobbes in a tree sneering at Calvin

In a scene eerily reminiscent of Fight Club, Hobbes blithely informs a sulking Calvin that he decides his own level of involvement in G.R.O.S.S.

When you boil it down, the Fight Club that Jack and Tyler start is really just an odd sort of boys’ club—no ovaries allowed—where men can be men, and the so-called stronger of the sexes can take solace in the fact that, even in our politically correct times, some exclusivities of manhood still remain. (As a side note, imagine how much more controversy the movie would have generated if it involved scenes of men fighting women on equal ground!)

And clubs like this, of course, have their beginnings in backyards, tree houses, and garages all over America. Not surprisingly, Calvin started such a club when he was six years old. Little did anyone realize that he would construct another one much later in his life, again with the aid of an imaginary friend. For just as Calvin, Hobbes, and Susie have dark future versions in Jack, Tyler, and Marla respectively, G.R.O.S.S. (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) has the same in Fight Club.

G.R.O.S.S. shares the following characteristics with Fight Club:

  • Both have catchy names (although the "slimy" part of G.R.O.S.S. is redundant, otherwise it doesn’t spell anything).
  • Calvin and Hobbes fight club
    Both are co-run by a friendless male and his imaginary companion (Calvin is Tyrant and Dictator-for-Life; Hobbes is President and First Tiger).
  • Both are exclusively male organizations, although Fight Club’s membership is considerably larger.
  • Along with that, all members of both organizations are very loyal.
  • The leaders of both organizations constantly engage in fisticuffs (but only in G.R.O.S.S. does a member receive a demerit for biting).
  • And in said fights, in both organizations, there is only one fight at a time!
  • Both are supposedly very secretive (though Jack never tells his mother about Fight Club).
  • At least one leader of both organizations is fond of giving speeches (though Calvin never uses the term "space monkey").

G.R.O.S.S. and Fight Club both wreak havoc on their respective neighborhoods (G.R.O.S.S.’s target is considerably more focused, i.e., Susie). Clearly, the roots of Fight Club can be seen in G.R.O.S.S. Calvin shows his penchant for such male-oriented, destructive organizations. Also, just like cardboard-box-time-machines and water-gun-transmogrifiers, G.R.O.S.S. was likely created as an escape, a release—as, of course, was Fight Club.

Part IV: Moe Develops Karmic Bitch-Tits

Jack and Moe/Robert Paulson

Moe secretly seeks atonement for past sins.

Robert "Moe" Paulson, Calvin’s grade-school bully, becomes a six-time weight-lifting champion, and somewhere along the line develops large man-boobs as a result of testicular cancer. This of course leads him to his support group, where he is shocked to find Calvin.

Moe greatly regrets his bullying days, but, too ashamed to reveal his true identity to Calvin, he instead offers his ample bosom for him to cry on, as a measure of retribution.

Part V: The Root of Evil

Although we’ve already learned of the fates of Hobbes, Susie, and Moe, there are a couple of other people important to Calvin that are missing. People that are even more integral to his development than (arguably) Hobbes: his parents. Mr . . . uhm . . . , and Mrs . . . uh. . . . Okay, so they don’t have names. But then again, there is no need to know them. Because in the comic strip, they’re not supposed to be important characters in their own right. They only matter in regards to how Calvin is directly effected by them; an effect which, by the time of the film, doesn’t seem to have been very positive. From what "Jack" mentions, he’s not exactly close to his parents, particularly his dad, on whom he seems to pin many of his problems. And this matches perfectly with the relationship depicted in the comic, as well as with what happened afterwards (in Part I).

Calvin's Dad

Calvin’s dad seems to have done quite a number on his son. As stated, it was probably at his urging that Calvin "grew up," that is, finally started to conform to society’s rules, which was the death of Hobbes. Of course, his father wasn’t without his playful side—good-naturedly teasing Calvin at every opportunity—but perhaps this is why "Jack" resents him so much. Maybe after Jack reached the end of his dutiful journey, only to find emptiness, he thought back to the day his father told him that the sun sets down somewhere in Arizona every night. "Maybe," thought Calvin, "maybe ALL of it’s been just another one of Dad’s cruel jokes."

In the "bathtub" scene of Fight Club, "Jack" and Tyler discuss their woeful parents. In this scene, crucial information is revealed, as well as some inconsistencies. "Jack" claims his father left when he was six, an age when Calvin’s dad was obviously still around, but this statement is contradicted soon after, when Tyler mentions his own dad telling him to get married when he was thirty, to which "Jack" responds, "mine said that too." The self-pitying "Jack" is most likely seeking to garner additional sympathy from his newfound friend by making his childhood sound worse than it actually was.

Hobbes scheming

But even more interesting is Tyler’s hostility towards his father: when "Jack" asks him who he would fight, if he could fight anyone, he answers, "I’d fight my father." But, since Tyler is only a figment of Jack’s imagination, we can only assume he’s referring to Jack’s father. And while this hatred would only make sense given that the two are sharing the same brain, why is it that Tyler seems to hate Jack’s father even more vividly than "Jack" himself does? Maybe it’s because Tyler hasn’t forgotten who’s ultimately responsible for the un-imagining that took place years before . . . maybe he’s still not too happy about it . . . and maybe he’s got some pretty good ideas for revenge.

The role of Calvin’s father in all of this is no small one. Other than to "save" Calvin, it’s entirely possible that Tyler’s real motivation for taking down civilization is simply to get back at Calvin’s father. For by destroying the society that forced Calvin into repressing Hobbes, he’s also destroying the society that Calvin’s father, after all, epitomizes. And this of course allows Hobbes an indirect measure of revenge.

Part VI: Calvin—"I Am Jack’s Lost Youth"

Calvin-Jack

Although the personality differences between Calvin in the comic strip and Calvin in the movie are pretty large, it can be explained as easily as taking Id and introducing him to Superego ("Jack" actually seems to have sort of a Super-Superego). Nearly all people go through the same thing when first confronted with the crushing grind of reality. But, as they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall—and in terms of imagination and dreams, Calvin was a giant.

Still, it’s not as though common traits between Calvin-Calvin and Jack-Calvin can’t be identified at all. Besides a preference for imaginary friends over real ones, and an inability to express affection for girls, Calvin has never done well when forced to play by any sort of rules. Take, for instance, his utter inability in any sort of organized sport, compared to his unbridled joy while playing the make-it-up-as-you-go-along "Calvinball." Furthermore, even at age 6 Calvin never exactly thrived in stifling, authoritarian establishments (i.e., school), and he’s always had clashes with authority figures since the strip began (his parents, the doctor, his teacher, Rosalyn)—which actually may have initially planted the seeds for Tyler. Beyond that, his excellent vocabulary and way with words are still with him in the voice-over narration of Fight Club, and his rampant materialism that started with mail-order propeller-beanies ends with yin-yang shaped tables. As for the differences, they can be credited to the demoralizing effect of reality.

Calvin-Jack in the mirror

In the end, Calvin’s involvement with Fight Club and return of Hobbes can be boiled down to two words: "Personal Responsibility." For although Fight Club and Project Mayhem were both mostly Tyler’s doing, by the end of the movie, Jack readily accepts his own part of the blame, as Tyler is his creation. And by doing so, he also accepts responsibility for the undesirable condition of his own life—his father may have pushed him, but Calvin himself was the one who chose to obey. It is through this newfound self-accountability that Calvin/Jack is able to take control of his own life at last. As skyscrapers flash and crumble in the background, and blood oozes from the bullet hole in his head, Calvin says that he is "okay." And we are apt to believe him.

Part VII: Conclusion

Calvin’s world in the comic strip is pure, romanticized idealism, whereas in the movie, he lives in gray, bleak reality. Within the safety of the panel, Calvin is perpetually six years old, terrible things can never happen, and no matter how crazy a stunt he pulls, everything always returns to status quo. Because of this, our hero is free to do as he wishes, free to chase his dreams as wildly as he desires, never having to worry about tomorrow because there essentially will never be one—unless it’s part of a continuing storyline. This makes the reality of Fight Club all the bleaker, because it depicts what happens when you take someone weaned on dreams and limitless possibilities and jam him into a cramped cage confined by rules and regulations. It probably only took poor Calvin a few years in the adult world (or growing-up world) to fully make the sad change.

This transition from gleeful Calvin to dull "Jack" is not uncommon. Little Nemo became a banker, Peter Pan became a lawyer, and Garfield was caught and butchered by the chef of a Chinese restaurant. (One exception is Charlie Brown, who from all indications was mentally middle-aged at the time of his birth.)

The moral of the story is that reality bites, kiddies. Calvin and Hobbes in Fight Club are proof of this sad, sad truth.




p.s. i copied this article from this link. an amazing read.

Labels: , ,

LITBM : on the radio

Friday, June 08, 2007 |

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.


Many
Chicago folks DID hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes," he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing heard on air yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

…………………

DJ:"Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to
Orlando, Florida
if you win. What is your name? First only please."

Contestant: "Brian."

DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"

Brian: "Yes."

DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"

Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."

DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."

Brian: "Sara."

DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"

Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."

DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"

Brian: "She is gonna kill me."

DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"

Brian: "About
8 o'clock this morning."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."

DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"

Brian: "About 10 minutes."

DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that if a trip wasn't at stake."

Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."

DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at
8 o'clock this
morning?"

Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."

DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it?"

Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us
for a couple of weeks..."

DJ: "Uh huh..."

Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."

DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."

Brian: "On the kitchen table."

DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred
times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."

3 minutes of commercials follow.

DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?" (touch
tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: "Kinkos."

DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"

Clerk: "This is she."

DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now
and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."

Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"

DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo...
do you know the rules of 'MateMatch'?"

Sarah: "No."

DJ: "Good!"

Brian: (laughing)


Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"

Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly,okay? Be completely honest."

DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If
your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to
Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to
the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."

DJ: "What time?"

Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."

DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"

Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."

DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his
manhood. We've got one last question,Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to
Florida. Are you ready?"

Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."

DJ: "Where did you have it?"

Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that,did you?"

Brian: "Just tell him, honey."

DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"

Sarah: "Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: "well....errr......In the ass....."

After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break"

Labels: ,

LITBM : the adventures of bloodninja

Friday, May 11, 2007 |

statutory warning : Explicit content. Proceed at your own peril. Author wont be responsible if this post hurts feelings or offends anyone. Only fun intended.


sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty

sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Labels: , ,

LITBM : Men’s rules for fairer sex

Monday, April 23, 2007 |

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are special days, but not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and golf shots.

5. Sunday=Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. It will never make an Olympic event (although we could be wrong on that, the way they instituted women's hockey & wrestling)

7. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

8. Crying is blackmail.

9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

10. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently.

11. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

12. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

13. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

14. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

15. Check your oil! Please.

16. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

17. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

19. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

20. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

22. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

23. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Deal with it.

24. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

25. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

26. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

27. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will assume nothing's wrong.

28. I'm in shape. - Round IS a shape.

Labels: ,

Beware of Iron Maiden !! :D

Friday, March 09, 2007 |

came across this hilarious mail sent all over...go thru it, the info in the mail is incorrect in the first place...the lengths that ppl go to to promote religion!!!

Iron Maiden [the band is named after an instrument of torture] are slated to perform live in Bangalore on March 17th, 2007. This explains why it is suggested for Christians to stay away and to inform their friends too. "Unleash the Beast Within" is the caption of a full-page advertisement released in the New Indian Express and other newspapers of March 2, 2007, welcoming to India the rock band, Iron Maiden, which "ranks fourth on MTV's 'Top 10 Greatest Heavy Metal Bands of all time'.It also states that their 1982 album "The Number of the Beast" was a Top Ten hit in 1982, and their single, "Bring Your Daughter to the Slaughter " was the fastest ever to hit number one.

We are informed that the band's mascot, Eddie- that looks like a partially-decomposed corpse- "is a perennial fixture in the band's horror-influenced album cover art, as well as in live shows ."
I submit 'The Number of the Beast' as evidence that a deadly serious Satan is right now bargaining for the very souls and minds of our children. Billboard magazine's full page ads proclaimed the record as being 'Forged in the fires of Hell' which it undoubtedly was. The album can only be described as satanic.

Some of the album's song titles are equally revealing: 'Children of the Damned', 'The Number of the Beast', 'Hallowed be Thy Name', 'Run to the Hills'.

This verse is repeated as a spoken introduction just before the song 'The Number of the Beast' begins. Here are some of the lyrics to that particular song: 'In the night the fires are burning bright / The ritual has begun / Satan's work is done…/ I'm coming back / I will return / And I'll posses your body / And I'll make you burn

Iron Maiden are slated to perform live in Bangalore on March 17th, 2007.
Plz stay off this concert !

p.s. its a copy paste from orkut iron maiden india community.

Labels: , ,

Interview iim k

Thursday, February 15, 2007 |

there were 2 profs in my panel. one was prof rp suresh and i have no clue about the other one. cant find him on the website.

GD topic was disinvestment of PSUs. GD was pretty good. no fish market, everyone contributed decently and lots of points came.

and excerpts of my interview are here

p1 = 1st panel member
p2 = 2nd panel member
a = anshul

p1: hello anshul
a: hello sir *takes his chair*

p1: you are a chem engg from iit kgp, working in a software industry and now planning to go for management. i cant see any relationship.
a*smiled, was expecting this*: sir, my jee rank was 1235 and chem engg was the best thing tht i was getting at iits.and at that point of time i was not aware wat exactly chem engg is and wat comp sci. is. and i worked really hard to get into iits and i was not interested going to some other engg college. but later in my second year i realised that i was not particularly interested in chem engg, but my interest lies in programming and software engg. so it was a well thought decision to move to the field of software engg. and management is wat i feel i want to do now. i love programming and that knowledge will certainly help me in my subsequent career in management.

p2: but dont u think, govt spent a lot of money making u a chem engg. and u wasted it.
a*screw govt.*: i dont think so sir. i feel more than acedemics, iit offered me quality ambience. i am a firm believer of peer learning, and i feel with the kind of exposure i got at kgp, it helped me learn a lot of intangible skills, which are going to be very helpful in my career. as one of my prof aptly said " at iit, we make u learn, how to learn". i believe i'm a much better person now.

p2:so tell me one good reason to believe that same thing wont be repeated if you enter in iims.
a: sir, iit was a mutual decision of my parents and me. and at that time i had a lot of peer pressure and parental pressure. but management is wat i feel i want to do. its my sole decision and i feel i am naturally motivated to do this. i have interest in managing things, and i believe i am ready now to take my job responsibility to next level.

p1: have u ever heard of a decreasing function.
a*how dumb u think i am*: yes sir, i have.
p1: you CGPA is a perfectly decreasing function.
a*lol, thts a nice way to put it*: sir, as i said earlier, in my second year i've realised tat i m not particularly interesrted in chem engg. so then i decided rather putting my efforts for something i dont believe in, i'll do stufff which i want to do and i'm good at. so i explored a lot of field there which were almost alien to me before. i participated and organized various events. i started exploring movies and music.i was/am an avid programmer. but with all these i made sure that i didnt lag in my studies. i tried my best to develop other skills, at the same time performing decently in my academics.
*shine in eyes*
and also sir, i feel the best way to analyze my academic performance will be to look at my semester GPA. and in first year when there were general subjects, i had a much better record. and after that it is almost constant. so proves that though i didnt have great deal of intererst in chem engg,but i still magaed to perform reasonable well, though not as good as my first year. and this explains the drop in gpa.

*i bitched about chem engg and made sure tht they wont ask me any academic funda*

p2: hmmm, so i see. you want to be a film critic.
a*come to big daddy*: yes sir.
p2: wat was the last movie you saw, anshul ?
a: sir, last movie i saw was "parzania" and "a few good men"
p2: so tell me something about "a few good men".
a* just wat i want u to ask me*

after this i gave them funda for 5 mins justifying wat jack nicholson did was good. his intension was clear, but results of the action was unfortunate.

p1: you support nazi or u like hitler?
a: sir, i do not agree to wat nazis did to jews. that was very extreme. but i do like hitler. i respect a person who can convince a whole nation to do wat he wants, and that too because of respect and not fear.
p1: ok

p1: so have you done something in which you hve lead a team of people.
a*aahaaa, my forte*: yes sir.and after that, i was giving them funda of illu.
p1: so as u told me, you need to convince people to work with yo for illu and motivate them. you knw, its been eons and management gurus are still not able to figure out, how to motivate people. and you said, you were able to do it. can u let me know, how u did it ??
a: sir, i have had a priviledge to have frnds and juniors, which were not very difficult to handle. and i had a very good rappot with most of them. so whenever i wanted them to work, i just went and met them personally and asked them to do this as a favour to me. and fortunately, most of the times, they listened to me and put thr efforts. i tried to make sure that they should have that emotional attachment to the whole process, and for this, i just tried to have thr maximum involvement.
p2: you know, this thing might work in college, but not in real life.
a: yes sir. i realise that, but i want to learn these tit bits of management, and thats why a formal management education will be a big asset in my career.


p1: p2, you want to ask someting else.
p2: no, its ok
p1: well then, anshul. its all from our side
a: thank you sir :)

Labels: , ,

LITBM : finally resolved

Friday, September 08, 2006 |

So this Egg and this Chicken are going at it pretty fast and furious in bed and suddenly the chicken groans, rolls over and lights up a ciggy, looking very content.
The egg rolls to the other side and says "Well, that answers that question".

Labels: ,

The Dilbert Contest

Thursday, September 07, 2006 |

A magazine recently ran a Dilbert Quotes contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-comic-strip-type managers. These were voted the top quotes from the managers we work for in corporate America. Interesting read!!




"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)








My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)








Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)






"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)





"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule ."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)











"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)










"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)








"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)





And the winner is :



"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
( Fred Dales,Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)






Labels:

oh SHIT !!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006 |

this is how the word SHIT was invented. interesting read.

In the 16th and 17th centuries, before commercial fertilizer was invented,large shipments of manure were transported by ship. It was shipped in dry bundles because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet. But once water hit it at sea, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began, a by- product of which is methane gas.

It didn't take long for methane to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before somebody figured out what was happening.

Once they determined the role that manure played in the explosions, everybody began stamping the bundles with the term "Ship High In Transit", so that the sailors would know to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

Labels: ,

LITBM : A Female Sexologist

Friday, July 21, 2006 |

A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths are those?"

Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are the best endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardarji."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee ! ... But my friends call me Santa Singh !"

Labels: ,

LITBM : Why Russians are very good in CHESS

Thursday, July 20, 2006 |

ok, this is a new series i m introducing. Laughter Is The Best Medicine a.k.a LITBM. i'll appreciate if u rofl instead of a false imposed grin. more of this series to follow. anyways primary reason to start this series to regularly update my blog, even if i dont get time to write something.anyways for now 'enjoy maadi' ;)

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist from
Odessa (in Russia) was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded
the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop a young man got on
and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought:
This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if he isn't a peasant he
probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district,
then he must be Jewish because this is, after all, a Jewish district.



On the other hand, if he is a Jew, where could he be going? I'm the
only Jew in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.



Ahh? But just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet,
and Jews don't need special permission to go there. But why would he
be going to Samvet?



He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how
many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two - the Bernsteins
and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, and a nice
looking fellow like him must be visiting the Steinbergs. But why is he
going?

The Steinbergs have only daughters, so maybe he's their son-in-law.

But if he is, then which daughter did he marry? They say that Sarah
married a nice lawyer from Budapest, and Esther married a businessman
from Zhitomer, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his
name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from
Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have
changed his name.

What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs. But if they allowed
him to change his name, he must have some special status. What could
it be? A doctorate from the University.



At this point the scholar turns to the young man and says, "How do you
do, Dr. Kovacs?"



"Very well, thank you, sir." answered the startled passenger. But how
is it that you know my name



?"



"Oh," replied the Talmudist, "it was obvious."

Labels: ,

Anagrams

Friday, January 27, 2006 |

got this one in mail, and it is one of the best forwards of recent time..

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the l etters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE


THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Labels:

WHY ??

Monday, November 28, 2005 |

1. If all the nations in the world are in debt ( I am not joking.
even US> has got debts), where did all the money go? (Weird)

2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (To be
given a thought)

3. What is the speed of darkness? (Absurd)

4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane
crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (Very good thinking)

5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (Who knows)

6. Can you cry under water? (Let me try)

7. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just
sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)

8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)

9. Do fish ever get thirsty? (Let me ask and tell)

10. Can you get cornered in a round room? (By ones eyes)

11. What does OK actually mean? (OK, I don't know)

12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (Tonight I will stay and watch)

13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (Seed)

14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)

15. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)

16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (Can somebody help)

17. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (Yes u can)

18. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (Strange isn't it)

19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (Got to think scientifically)

20. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I don't have a change to try)

21. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (Very nice)

22. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (This is nice)

23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (Stupid, break the law)

Labels:

FUN ZONE

Translator